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Jun. 12th, 2008 @ 09:48 am (no subject)
Please stop telling me that I can't fly!
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bw
Sep. 17th, 2006 @ 10:10 pm (no subject)
as i clear my head, i remember that there are so many lessons that i have to learn, and then realize that its not out of stubbornness that i do not learn them, well maybe some, but the ones in that moment it is because i wish that they never existed. and i have to learn to deal with that first as part of the lesson. arrogance. i want to rip my ribs open and bleed and understand peace. and wisdom.
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bw
Apr. 28th, 2006 @ 11:46 pm (no subject)
if i were wiser, i probably wouldnt let everything depress me.

things being what they are, i feel paralyzed.

need to dig back to the surface.
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bw
Mar. 23rd, 2006 @ 03:02 pm (no subject)
i am sitting here with super glue crusted to my finger tips
going back and forth between bach and mc paul barman.
i guess bach wins with the brandenburg concerto No. 4 in G major - presto. that sounds lovely.
i dont have very many grande schemes in life.
and it makes me sad to think that the ones i have are not attainable.


(everything?),

but God is good
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bw
Feb. 22nd, 2006 @ 03:43 pm (no subject)
as though every other facet of my life wasnt already dedicated to you.


(i will...),


dont let me forget this little one.
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bw
Dec. 16th, 2005 @ 05:58 am (no subject)
i woke up at five fifteen and i cant get back to sleep. i am sure i will in a bit. i got a glass of water. when i woke up there was a huge spider crawling closer and closer. i smashed it with a pretzel container. i win again. stupid spider. it smells sickeningly like fake flowers or something down here. this is mostly just something to do until i fall back to sleep. my last final is today. i am hoping that there will be snow day, but the weather doesnt look like its going to get bad until this afternoon. or maybe noon. but by then i dont think they will close my two o'clock class. whatever. i need to cut my fingernails. i guess thats what i will do now. i think someone stole my clippers though. so i will find new ones. good night.
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bw
Nov. 27th, 2005 @ 11:18 am (no subject)
so after two months of working at blockbuster they have offered me a promotion. i think i will most likely take it as long as it doesnt interfere with school.(assuming i go to school next semester). i am going to have a talk with my academic adviser and see what she has to say and what i need for my degree. youve got the hot wax residue. every year my sisters want me to make a christmas list for them. i never really want anything so this list isnt one that i enjoy making. so if someone can think of something that i want/need let me know. i feel like i would be a jerk to ask for something like paying my bills for me, but thats really the only thing i have trouble with. i asked my mother why they hadnt given me a birthday present in a couple years and she told me i was lying. she had honestly forgotten all about it. anyway. i still have yet to begin my final paper for english. the rough draft is due tomorrow. got to get working on that.
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bw
Nov. 25th, 2005 @ 01:28 pm (no subject)
the trip to grandmothers didnt last as long as i would have liked. i came home and its freezing. i have two papers i have to write before monday. so i am sitting here drinking hot coco and oatmeal.(thank you nola). at first i tried some sherbet, but that didnt help at all. beth orton is pretty. i have lots of brownies too. until christmas i get thirty percent off everything at blockbuster. sweet deal. and i can wear jeans. but i dont own any jeans, so that one doesnt help.

and then i see a darkness, did you know how much a love you? heres a hope that somehow you can save me from this darkness.
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bw
Nov. 7th, 2005 @ 11:09 am (no subject)
i came to school this morning and went to my english class. i had forgotten that we are meeting another room today to begin doing research on our topic. which means that today our topic is due. i forgot about it. i hate this part of english class when we have to come up with a topic for our research paper. i have to get it done though. i swore this would be the final time i attempt english 110. oh. the point is. i didnt get my topic, so i am skipping class now here in the computer lab hoping that a topic comes to me for wednesday. i have to find something that i care about enough to devote time to researching and writing a paper. every semester i take this class i have three a's and then an f. last semester i didnt take it and i got four a's. the sound of the keyboards is deafening. i have a month to write this paper and i will force myself to take full advantage of it.
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bw
Oct. 28th, 2005 @ 04:59 pm (no subject)
i think i really like blockbuster. they let me pick up hours all the time, and yet i can call in whenever i want. and we get to rent movies like a month before all of you ordinary folk. i was going to have some cereal but there isnt any milk in the fridge. i try to buy whole milk because no one else drinks it but me. everyone else is fat. and i am tiny. so i guess thats how it works.i have three essays and two exams monday that i have yet to start working on, so i am going to go do that instead.
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bw
Oct. 8th, 2005 @ 11:01 am (no subject)
yesterday was my first "bad" day in quite a while. but it seems like everyone elses was worse. so i shouldnt complain. i am sitting here listening to chopins nocturne, op. post. 72 no. 1 watching the leaves fall. i am sorry for everyone who lost someone this week.

i have to work in a couple hours. i wish they would train me on the slow days instead of the busy ones.

my grandmother is still in town. there are always things baking. i think there is some pound cake out there now. yup. tasty. her puppy is scared of me. i had to pull her out of a collapsed room once and i think she thinks i was responsible for it.

i always dearly miss this season when its gone, so i am going to find some way to enjoy it to its fullest. and buy some nice sweaters to keep me warm.
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bw
Sep. 23rd, 2005 @ 09:06 am (no subject)
i went for a bike ride again this morning. it was turture just trying to get to hopkins. its about nine o'clock right now. i have some homework i was supposed to have done that i should probably go do. i am truly going to do all i can to make this my routine(the bike ride). going to sleep before midnight and waking up at eight thirty is nice.
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nathann
Sep. 10th, 2005 @ 01:44 am (no subject)
oh and guess who the newest customer service representative at maple/transit blockbuster is...?
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bw
Sep. 8th, 2005 @ 01:59 am (no subject)
i was driving down colvin and had just crossed sheridan, when i see lights flashing behind me. its okay nathan you werent speeding just let him past you. i pull to the side to let him pass and he follows me. i pull over and he comes over and asks for license and registration. i give him my registration and explain i dont have a license. he tells me my insurance information is out of date. i find an old temporary license in my glove compartment that i give to him. he asks why he pulled me over and i told him i had no idea. he asked me what the speed limit was.(i was being careful not to speed because i know how sneaky they are in that area, so i was keeping around 30-35). i told him 40 and he said that he clocked me at 44. and the speed limit this side of sheridan is 30(i was barely over sheridan, he started flashing his lights in the intersection). he went back to his car for at least twenty minutes and came back with a ticket for the insurance and speeding. i said, sir this is a big deal. fourteen miles over is a big deal. he said started to fumble and said, well sometimes they can work out a deal with you or something. i said well either way its fourteen miles over. and he said well drive safely and walked away. i am so furious. there is no justice. we pay them to rape us. we give them money. i am not going to take this though. i am going to tell them they have to dismiss it, and if they try to take it to trial, so be it. i will fight it. i will be lucky to have a hundred dollars by the end of this week.
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kitty
Aug. 28th, 2005 @ 11:35 am (no subject)
i finally woke up and went for a bike ride. i made it down to hopkins before i could go no further. a pathetic attempt i suppose, but hard fought. now i am sore and sweaty. i dont think i am going to be in shape by wednesday.
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kitty
Aug. 18th, 2005 @ 03:36 pm (no subject)
there is nothing to eat in the house and i am out of gas and out money. so i am eating a microwave dinner. chicken with rice. i dont think that my stomach agrees with it. maybe i could eat an some eggs. theres no milk though. i slept very well last night. the first time in weeks. i have been swimming more this month than i have since i moved to buffalo. its been nice. school starts soon. i should have a new job by then. i cant imagine making money doing something other than assembling tacos. or at least watching everyone else assemble them. or at least sitting ten feet away hoping everyone is assembling them. i cant eat anymore of this. theres some left over turkey. i guess i will have to put that inside me. i really want to go visit my grandmother, but i dont know if i trust my car, and i cant afford to fix it if something happens. i met a new friend and we had a sleepover. we took pictures. come to daddy is such a nice little album. i had these strange dreams last night. i wish i could remember them coherently, but its just quick flashes.
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kitty
Aug. 9th, 2005 @ 01:43 am (no subject)
when i was sixteen about to turn seventeen i turned in an application. i few months later they called back. after five years of rape and abuse they hang me. i guess i had it coming. at least i can sleep again.
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nathann
Jul. 7th, 2005 @ 03:46 pm (no subject)
i woke up this morning with complete peace of mind. it was like a strange cleasing. i could feel a physical difference in my brain. i cant imagine anything more perfect.


also i had a dream. if anyone wants to know, ask.
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bw
Jul. 3rd, 2005 @ 05:20 am (no subject)
onto more important news... i just got home from work and thought i would play a game.....................




.........................................................16112!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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bw
Jul. 2nd, 2005 @ 05:28 am (no subject)
i think my small case of cds in my car was stolen. i guess i could be wrong. but its not there and i cant find it anywhere else. it doesnt really ever leave my car. i dont know why someone would take a little 30 cd case and leave a three hundred cd case in the back. maybe just out of convenience. i dont even remember what was in that case. i guess i should stop leaving my windows down. i hate getting into my car during the day when the windows are up though. i think it happened when i stopped at the blockbuster on delaware a few nights ago. wednesday i believe it was. bah. maybe i just left it at work or something. who would even look at my car as a target for theft? its almost six and i cant sleep. i think i need to find a new job, thats what the doctor recommends. i think i at least need to be more active during the day. and not eat so much sherbet.
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bw